Nick’s love for Carmina was more like an obsession. He was protective of her and revered her more and more each day.
Carmina’sfirst birthday was a month away, but Nick started planning and buying gifts for her six months before.
In fact, every extra penny he had went to Carmina. He even stopped going away on business trips and constantly apologized to her for not being there during her birth.
On the morning of Carmina’sfirst birthday, Nick was very happy. He smiled all morning and woke up extra early to make sure she was dressed and ready for her party.
He also made sure everything was set up perfect. There was a cake and a buffet table with enough food to feed half of the neighborhood.
I couldn’t help but be worried over the extra expense, but I didn’t say anything because my husband was the happiest he’d been in a long time and our relationship seemed to have improved a lot now that Carmina was here. She brought a lot of beauty and joy into our lives.
Even at her young age, she knew how to charm. All eyes were on her as she delighted the party guests with her toddler gibberish and big cheesy smiles.
Nick wasn’t the only one who wanted to spoil her. Her birthday guests showered her with so many gifts, that we had to start storing some of them in our upstairs landing…
…because her room was already full of gifts and toys
“You’re daddy’s beautiful angel…You deserve all this and more. I love you so much,” I heard Nick whisper as Carmina’sbirthday guests began to disperse.
There was no doubt that Nick loved Carmina and felt that she was beautiful. The proof was on our walls…which were filled with images of Carmina.
In the back of our house, in the hallway, Nick had a small office space. The walls were full of pictures. There were pictures of every moment of Carmina’slife that Nick could capture on film.
By Carmina’ssecond birthday, she had enough dolls, clothes, books, shoes, games, puzzles and stuffed animals to open a ‘just-for-girl’s’ store.
She was beginning to show her spoiled-ness and wanted everything that she saw…
…And Nick was always there to buy it or accommodate her in anyway she demanded.
“It’s okay honey…you can stay on it for as long as you want to.”
We were raising a monster and all I did in those first years was stand by and watch it happen. Nick was oblivious to it all.
All he saw was a pretty little girl that needed his love and attention, so he showered her with it day after day…
…And year after year.
By her third birthday party, Carmina had so much stuff that it now began to fill our living room…
…And our backyard.
Our finances suffered greatly because of Nick’s purchases. It worried me so much that I decided to finally confront him about it.
Nick walked into the bedroom one evening raving about Carmina as usual…”Diane, do you realize how blessed we are to have such a sweet daughter? There’s no way there could ever be another child as special as she is.”
“I know Nick…but I’m worried,” I said hoping that he would be receptive to my concerns since he was in such a great mood.
“What could you possibly be worried about?” Nick asked as if everything in the world was perfect.
“Our finances…and Carmina,” I started…
“You know that the demotion you took after you decided to stop traveling really decreased our income quite a bit and I don’t think we can afford to keep buying Carmina so much stuff. Nick…you have to stop spoiling her, ” I finished.
Nick looked thoughtful as if he were considering what I was suggesting.
Suddenly he chuckled and threw my last words back at me, “Spoiling her? Really Diane?”
The expression on his face was unsettling and I was a little afraid to continue, but I did…
“Sweetie…just hear me out. She’s starting to want everything she sees…and…well Nick…we can’t afford to keep buying everything.”
“Spoiling her?! For God’s sake Diane…what else do you expect me to do? It’s what you do for your children…especially a child as beautiful and special as she is. She deserves the best and I’m going to give it to her!”
“What if she wasn’t born beautiful?” I asked him suddenly…the first time ever mentioning anything to him relating to the baby that I had actually given birth to.
“She was born beautiful Diane! So there’s no ‘what if’ about it.” Nick’s words were like a slap in the face. He was extremely angry and for the first time in our marriage, I thought he would hit me.
I could see that there was no use in arguing. Nick was obsessed with Carmina’sbeauty just as I was when I first saw her in the hospital.
“I’m going to bed,” Nick said, effectively ending any further discussion.
I stood there afraid and shivering as Nick pulled back the covers on the bed.
As he laid down, I realized that our marriage would never be the same. There was no way I could compete with the consuming obsession he had for Carmina.
Unable to stay in the room with him another minute…I left the room and allowed anger to swell up from my belly and take control over my emotions.
But who was I really mad at? As quickly as it rose up…the anger left; deflating rapidly like a released balloon.
I watched Carmina as she slept realizing that I had created my own hell. I could be mad at no one but myself.
While everyone else was becoming overcome with obsession…my feelings went in the opposite direction. Nick was blinded by her beauty and she was all that mattered, but I could see the situation for what it was.
“She’ll get you when she turns four,” I thought as the dream I had a few years ago echoed through my head. I could feel the blood drain from my head and I began to feel faint as I realized that the dream was prophetic and my horror would soon begin.
