I was back in Sunset Valley where Nick and I grew up.
Being back reminded me of the simpler times…before marriage, before parenthood, before the business move…
…back when Nick and I first fell in love.
I drove until I pulled up in front of a big house; colonial style with a green front lawn, a large front porch and double doors.
I almost cried when I saw it…it held so many memories for me.
Just walking up the walkway, I could almost smell the freshly baked German Chocolate cakes and hear the steady rhythm of gospel and jazz music filling the house with warmth, security and promises of joy.
I stepped up on the porch like I’d done a million times before.
But I paused before ringing the doorbell; not sure what to expect because it had been so long since I’d been here.
When I did an old woman answered the door, just as I expected. She was a very neat looking woman; with gray hair pulled back into a bun and a pretty slightly winkled face.
“Mom?” I half said and half asked, because I expected to see my mother; my mouth already ready to form that one word. I hadn’t seen my mother since Carmina was a baby. Seeing this woman instead threw me off.
“No, I’m not your mother. I’m a mother, but I only have sons,” the old woman answered.
I guess she could see the question on my face, so she answered without me even voicing it, “I just moved here two years ago…”
“The woman who lived here before me passed away…I’m so sorry, she must have been your mother,” the lady continued.
Oh God…how could I not have kept in touch with my own mother? I asked myself as tears filled my eyes. Why didn’t I know that she had passed away? I wondered; suddenly sure that Carmina had something to do with that being kept from me. I could just picture her intercepting the call.
“I don’t have anyone else left in this world!” I cried out loud.
“I’m so sorry,” the lady repeated with sympathy in her tone. “Please come in dear,” she added without hesitation.
She lead me into her house. It was just as I remembered it, when mom lived there. It was exactly the same place where I had grown up. The furniture, the rugs, the paint on the walls, the tables and the bookshelves were all the same…everything except the pictures.
“So…the furniture was left here when you bought it?” I asked already knowing the answer, but still thrown off by the fact that I was not speaking to my mother.
“Yes…when your mother passed away, there was no one available to clean out the house, so it was eventually sold as is…minus really personal items like pictures and clothes.” The old woman answered.
Hearing that broke my heart. I had let my mother down.
“Have a seat dear…” the lady offered.
I took another look around before I complied.
“Ma’am…what’s your name?” I asked suddenly realizing that I didn’t know it.
“Oh how rude of me! Let me tell you about myself…my name is Mrs. Whitehead, but you can call me Eva. I’m a widow, sixty-four years young,” she smiled . “My husband, George, died of a heart attack in our old home two years ago and I just couldn’t bear living there alone any longer, so I moved here,” she began.
“Let’s see,” she continued, “I have four sons, but only one who still lives in town. His name is Greg…he’s twenty-nine and he lives down the street with his wife and baby. They visit almost everyday. Now, please…tell me about yourself…”
“I’m Diane and I’m thirty, and…” I stopped when I saw Eva’s reaction to my age.
“Oh child, what have you been through?” Eva asked.
“Well, I…” I started, but hesitated. I wasn’t sure where to begin or how much to reveal to this woman. I wasn’t even sure she would believe anything I said.
Noticing my hesitation, she graciously gave me some time to think after I went silent, “I’ll make us some tea…wait right here,” she said.
I watched as she swiftly moved around the kitchen collecting cups and tea bags.
When she finished, she handed me a mug of lightly sweetened tea and returned to her chair across from me.
I took a sip of tea and began my story… “Well, I was twenty-three when I had my first child…” I began and the rest of the story effortlessly left my mouth after that.
I told her things that I had never told anyone…including how I had taken Carmina from the hospital and how there’s no record of it ever occurring. Eva sat and listened to every word without judgment. I wasn’t sure if she believed me or not and she gave no indication either way.
When I finished speaking I felt as if I had fully purged myself. I felt vulnerable and helpless as I waited for her to respond.
She didn’t say anything for a long time. She just sat there not looking at me. I took that as a sign that she didn’t believe me.
I stood up to leave. “Thank you for listening…” I said in a shaky voice.
Eva stood up as well. She opened her mouth, but closed it again as if she just couldn’t work out what to say.
Suddenly she walked over and pulled me into a hug. I wasn’t sure how to respond at first and I definitely wasn’t sure what this meant.
“I want you to live with me,” she finally said. “You can start a new life. You need a new beginning and what better place to start over than the home that you grew up in,” she continued.
“I-” I began, shocked by the kindness that this woman was showing me, something that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. I couldn’t imagine what would make her give me such an offer. I had just confessed to a kidnapping and abandoning my own child. I didn’t deserve such kindness.
“Will you please stay with me?” She asked again.
It was my turn to hug her, “Yes Eva…thank you so much!” I answered. “This is so-”
“Hey mom!” I was interrupted by a manly voice and the whining of a very young child.
“Oh! That’s Greg, his wife Linda and my grand-baby!” Eva said; quickly leaving the kitchen to greet her son and his family.
I walked over to a nearby window in the living room; giving Eva time to speak with her family and break the news.
“Mom, who’s that?” Her son asked when he saw me.
“That’s Diane,” Eva said, “She grew up in this house and has returned home. I’m going to let her stay with me for a while.”
“But you don’t know nothing about her,” Greg’s wife chimed in; her voice a whisper, but still loud enough for me to hear.
“I know what I need to know,” Eva said defensively in an equally hushed tone.
“Mom are you sure this is a good idea?” Eva’s son asked; not hiding the concern in his voice.
“Boy…didn’t I raise you to help those in need? Well, this woman is in need and I’m going to help her. I was hoping you two would as well,” Eva chastised.
I felt a little helpless there listening in. I definitely didn’t want to cause a riff within Eva’s family, but I really didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Eva’s son sighed, “Okay mom…I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I still don’t think it’s a good idea,” his wife added.
“I didn’t ask you,” Eva said before calling over to me, “Diane honey…come on over here and meet my son Greg and his wife Linda.”
I slowly walked over…feeling a little uncomfortable as Eva continued talking to her son… “Didn’t you say that you had an opening over at the job?” She was asking; no doubt asking about a position for me.
“Greg, Linda…this is Diane,” Eva said introducing me as I stood beside her.
“Hi,” Greg and Linda said simultaneously.
“And this is my grand daughter Crisann,” Eva said completing the introductions.
My heart felt so heavy as I stared at Greg and Linda’s little girl. She was a very beautiful little girl…not like Carmina, but an innocent beauty like my own baby Christina. She stared back at me with pretty brown eyes; seeking comfort from her father who held her close. I imagined Nick holding our daughter Christina the same way.
“I’m going to help Diane start a new life, and Linda, I was hoping that you could help out,” Eva continued.
“Sure, but what do you want me to do?” Linda asked.
“Well since you’re both close in age, I was hoping that you could show her around tomorrow,” Eva said. Both Greg and Linda looked very surprised to know how young I was, compared to how I looked.
There was a hush in the room, before Linda finally broke the silence, “Uh…sure…I can do that…”
“A lot has probably changed since you last lived here,” she said.
“Yeah, pretty much,” I answered; my voice trailing off into another awkward silence.
“Well, I’m going to show Diane where she’ll be staying. Greg, can you grab her bags and bring them,” Eva ordered as she headed up the stairs.
“Sure mom…” Greg said politely, but I could tell that he and Linda still weren’t too sure about me staying here with Eva.
I followed Eva up the stairs to escape the unsure looks on their faces.
“She looks so old,” I heard Linda whisper to Greg as soon as they thought I was out of earshot.
