My daughter’s screams turned into cries… a baby’s cries. Then I heard a male’s voice call my name… “Diane.”
My eyes were heavy… too heavy.
“Can she hear us?” There was the voice again…
“We think so, she’s gotten close to waking up a few times, but has yet to fully regain consciousness,” said a soft female voice.
I opened my eyes enough to see a blinding light. It hurt… I closed my eyes again.
Then I heard the male voice again, “Do you think we should take the baby out of here?”
The female voice replied again, “No, I think the cries will help to bring her back.”
“Diane!” The voice called my name again… only this time I recognized it, but I couldn’t place it. Then there was the baby again. I was confused… what happened to my daughter… and where did this baby come from?
I opened my eyes again. This time the light didn’t hurt so much, but what I saw didn’t make sense. There was a man who looked a lot like Nick standing there with a woman. Was I dead? Did Carmina kill me?
“Will she be okay?” The male voice came again… it was definitely Nick.
“Her brain functioning is normal. She’s just been in a very deep sleep, but once she wakes up… I believe that she’ll be just fine” I realized that the woman was a doctor from the way she spoke.
“Nick?” I said softly: opening my eyes fully… my voice groggily and weak as if I hadn’t used it in a while.
Nick looked over and saw that I had opened my eyes.
“Diane!” He called out again, rushing over to my side.
I tried to sit up as Nick cradled my head.
“Careful!” The doctor warned.
Nick ignored her… “Oh baby! I was so scared.”
“Nick! You’re here!” I said in a whisper that didn’t sound like mine; still not fully understanding what was going on. How could it be? Nick had died… Carmina killed him.
“Of course I’m here… where else would I be?” He said; his voice cracking as he tried to hold back a sob.
He kissed my forehead and held me close to his chest, as his tears dripped down on my face. I was shocked and relieved to hear his heartbeat and feel his arms around me.
Then I became distracted by the baby cries that had started up again.
I sat up… I had to see where the cries were coming from.
I looked around Nick and saw a bassinet with a baby wrapped in a pink blanket. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. I didn’t know what to think… Could it be? Was she mine?
Nick left my side and went to tend to the crying baby as the doctor began to speak… “Mrs. Thompson… I’m sure you’re feeling confused and disoriented right now. You’ve been in a coma for a few days due to complications after your delivery.”
“A coma?”
“Yes… I will explain it all in detail to you and your husband, but for now… somebody has been waiting to meet you. Would you like to see your daughter?”
“My daughter?” I asked. I could feel my heart immediately fill up with joy. I was back in the hospital… about to see my… daughter.
Nick had picked her up… but I couldn’t see her. I was afraid… I wanted her to be alright, but if she wasn’t…
… in my heart, I knew that it wouldn’t matter. I would love her anyway. Still… I looked toward the doctor for any signs that something was wrong.
“She’s perfectly healthy,” The doctor said as if she had read my mind.
A relief filled sigh escaped as I watched Nick cradle her… our daughter.
“We’ll just leave you three alone for a while,” the doctor said.
I wanted to hold my daughter so bad, but I also loved seeing Nick gently rock her; trying to calm her down.
My eyes went back to the door where the doctor and nurse were leaving… the nurse was very familiar to me.
“Are you ready?” Nick asked… his face full of pride.
I nodded; because if I spoke, I would be in tears.
Nick reached over and placed our baby, who was still whimpering, in my arms.
As soon as she was next to my chest, she stopped crying.
I looked down at her… and she was beautiful, with two bright alert eyes.
There are absolutely no words to describe what I felt holding my child… our child.
I sat up; overwhelmed with emotion… thinking about all that I had gone through.
I wasn’t sure if the whole situation with Carmina was just a dream or not.
But just in case, I began to feel around to make sure this wasn’t all just in my imagination.
Was Carmina ever real? Was I being given a second chance?
I held my daughter up… close enough to smell her sweet new baby smell and I realized that it didn’t matter.
Whether Carmina was just a delusion or not… I knew that I had successfully killed her; along with the fear and insecurities that created her.
And just then, I began to finally understand why my mother never allowed me to straighten my hair and do certain things growing up.
She wasn’t trying to be mean or overly strict. She wanted me to learn to love myself just as I was. It was a gift… the same gift that I was determined to give my own daughter. No matter what she grew up to look like… she would know that she’s beautiful, compassionate, strong and worthy. She would have confidence… confidence that I lacked for so long.
“So, what should we name her?”
A name? She deserved a good name… a strong name. A name that held a lot of meaning for me. But then I realized that she already had a name…
I looked into Nick’s eyes and said her name with conviction, “Her name is Christina.”
