It was like I was under a spell. I didn’t ask why Vee was there…I was too glad to see him even to consider it strange. He was familiar, and familiarity was as necessary as the air I was breathing at that moment.
I stood there as he stepped into my bathroom with the fluidity and ease of someone who had lived there for years.
And I naturally seemed to reciprocate his actions, watching him with the same indifference I’d feel towards a roommate.
He reached down to the tub facet and ran a bath.
And wordlessly, like an obedient child, I entered the bathroom, knowing the bath was for me – my cleansing, my baptism…maybe a way out of my internal hell.
My body was shocked to feel the warm water. As if it had forgotten the feeling of a bath. After all, it had been days since I’d had one. I wouldn’t have been surprised if the water had instantly turned mud brown from the dirt and grime that must have accumulated.
I laid back, and the questions settled like the warm water around me. Vee was here, he showed up when I needed someone the most, and I just allowed it. But why? Should I be afraid? Should I ask him to leave? But what was the worst thing he could do to me? Torture me, kill me – my thoughts flashback to that moment in the alley and then to Lizzie’s wavering voice telling me that Dray’s body had been found. Maybe whatever Vee had planned for me was what I deserved.
As I relaxed into my voluntarily suppressed fears, I heard a vacuum start up in another room. What type of killer vacuums and cleans up first?
I must have soaked for hours – maybe even dosing off occasionally.
Suddenly there was a knock at the bathroom door, followed by Vee’s voice.
“I found your pajamas. But I wasn’t sure which one you’d want, so I’m leaving a stack of them outside the door.”
I waited until I heard his footfalls fade away before I finally stepped out of the tub.
When I did, my eyes locked onto the mirror – noting the blaring absence of my reflection.
What would Vee say if he stepped into the bathroom at this moment and saw me here staring at an empty mirror? Would he run away afraid, abandoning me as Lizzie did?
I reached out of a crack in the door and grabbed the pile of pajamas. Then I dressed quickly and walked out of the bathroom, expecting Vee to be gone as suddenly and mysteriously as he arrived. But he was still there – sitting on my couch, waiting.
I took a few more steps and ended up next to him, still wondering when he’d decide to make his exit.
He didn’t move, so I sat down cautiously beside him.
He got up and stood behind me. Maybe this was the moment I’d feel his hands on my neck tightening before cutting off my air supply. I decided that I wouldn’t even resist it. I’d willingly take the punishment that I deserved. I almost welcomed it. Maybe this was the moment I could finally stop trying, stop fighting. His voice interrupted my thoughts –
“May I?”
Yes, go ahead was what I wanted to say, no matter what he asked, even if the evening ended with me in a body bag.
But he surprised me by pulling out the bands that held my two puffs. Then, his fingers began to work, fluffing my hair to frame my face.
I closed my eyes, allowing his gentle fingers to pull me out of the depths of my dark, gruesome thoughts.
He was here. He was willing to care, and that’s all that mattered. If he took the time to ensure I was okay, maybe I could find the strength to do the same for myself.
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