Staring at my daughter’s open doors was like getting a glimpse into my worst nightmare.
I felt sick imagining all of the twisted things Carmina might have done to her; knowing it was all my fault.
I walked up to the porch and saw blood leading into the house, and beyond to where it pooled below a chair where someone was sitting.
“Oh my God!” I said; barely a whisper. It was all surreal and I felt faint, but I had to check to see if she was still alive.
I averted my eyes from the blood and focused on the chair; confused because who I saw there wasn’t who I expected.
It was Carmina… not my daughter.
“What did you do with her!” I demanded, but Carmina didn’t move or answer right away. I’m sure she was too busy enjoying the fear that caused my voice to waver.
“What have you done with my daughter?” I asked again… my voice weak, defeated and afraid of her reply.
She answered as if it wasn’t obvious that I was asking about Christina. “Your daughter? I’m your daughter,” she whispered in a distant, almost dismissive tone.
“What?” I asked. I couldn’t figure out why she was back to insisting that she was my daughter, when she was here standing in my biological daughter’s house.
Carmina rose from the chair as she spoke; answering my silent question, “You gave birth to me too… I was born out of your vanity and greed.”
She continued, “I am yours just as much as the daughter that you abandoned… a manifestation of your desire for a perfect beautiful daughter, a happy husband… a perfect life.”
What Carmina was saying sounded crazy and far-fetched, but with all that had gone on between us… I wasn’t quick to doubt her.
“But how can that be? What are you…where did you come from?” I needed to know… because there was no way that she was human.
“Oh, I go by a lot of names… I’ve been called jealousy, vanity, greed… sometimes even wrath.”
“But those things are not… alive.” It was too much for me to believe. In my mind, there was no way that what she said was true.
Carmina turned quickly to face me. “I wouldn’t be so sure. They are alive and well… continuously fed and kept alive by the human mind… like yours, the day you abandoned your own child and stole me.”
My stomach sank at hearing my past sins being thrown back at me.
“You say that you’re a manifestation of my desire to have a perfect life… but you made my life anything but perfect?”
“That’s the beauty of it all. You asked for a beautiful daughter, but you forgot to ask for the important things…”
Carmina paused, giving her next words a dramatic effect, “…like compassion, honesty, kindness and goodness.”
Those were the perfect words to describe Christina… my real daughter.
“No… you got exactly what you asked for… you got me.” Carmina threw her arms out to the side as if she was expecting some applause.
I thought about what she said and I found a potential loophole. “Well if this was all created by me… if you were born in my mind as you say… then I can kill you.” Saying those words gave me a sense of power… if only temporary.
Carmina started to giggle as if what I had said was insane. She then placed her hands over her mouth as if to stifle her laughter, “Are you sure?” She said in a snicker when she had finally stopped laughing enough to speak.
I was determined not to let her amusement kill my resolve. “I can try,” I said with as much courage as I could manage.
Carmina began to circle around me; suddenly serious again.
“I seriously doubt that,” she began, narrowing her eyes in my direction. She still had the upper hand and she knew it.
“You’ve been living with the emotions that gave birth to me all of your life,” she went on as if she had seen it all.
“You were jealousof the pretty girls in school… you know, the ones that boys just couldn’t get enough of,” Carmina said low enough in my ear to almost be a whisper.
I couldn’t deny that. I would have given anything to be the object of some of those guys’ lustful stares. I wanted to be wanted as much as those other girls… the girls that looked like Carmina; with the long pretty hair, light skin and hazel eyes.
“You were too vain to bring home your flawed child… right? My God… what would people say if you brought home a child with only one eye?”
My head dropped in defeat. Carmina was hitting me deep. I was facing my biggest shortcomings… my most raw emotions.
“You were far too insecure to let your husband meet his own first born child… so you chose me instead. You fed into your weaknesses.”
She was right and I was so exposed that I could have died from my shame just as quickly as I would if I were buried naked in a ton of snow.
“You were too powerless and selfish to save your husband… You let a mere childtake him away from you! And now here you are with a feeble attempt to save a one-eyed-freak that you never wanted in the firstplace.”
The hate and cruelty in her voice when she spoke of Nick and my daughter gave me the tiny spark that I needed. I turned to face Carmina…
…and my eyes once again focused on the blood smeared throughout the foyer behind her. My daughter could be somewhere nearby dying… while I was distracted by Carmina’sstalling and monologues.
I looked directly into her soulless eyes so that she knew that I was serious and not afraid. “YOU’RE WRONG! I did want her… I do want her… and I will die for her. Where is she? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?” My words were so forceful that I could feel veins popping out of the side of my head; as my heart pounded to match my intensity.
Carmina gasped and backed away as if she were an innocent victim.
Then she dismissed my words with a mocking laugh. “Why would you die for someone that youtossed to the side like a piece of left-over trashto never be thought of again?”
“I have thought of her! EVERY… SINGLE… DAY…,” I emphasized each word with a jab of my finger towards Carmina’schest, “and I swear to God that I will kill you for hurting her!”
“You’d better hope to kill me, because when I’m done with you… I’m going to finish her off by clawing out her other eye and breaking her sorry neck!”
Carmina’swords were like a detonator. My body reacted before I had time to think. I rushed over and lunged at her with everything I had.
It was all a blur… but, somehow I managed to get one of my arms around Carmina’sneck and I squeezed as hard as I could; pulling down with all of my weight.
She kicked and scratched and tried to yank on my arms, but I wasn’t about to let go until I felt the life drain out of her and witnessed her body dropping to the ground.
But Carmina soon got the better of me. She used her long nails to grab the arm that was around her neck and she began to dig in deep.
I could feel my skin begin to tear as her nails dug into the sensitive nerves in my forearm, forcing me to loosen my grip. Carmina was able to reach behind her head and grab me… digging her nails into my back. She used her grip on my shirt to flip me over her shoulder; knocking me into the chair…
… and threw me into the corner. My head hit the wall hard and my vision became blurry as I began to lose consciousness.
“I guess you are willing to die for her,” Carmina whispered over her shoulder; sounding a little taken aback.
Carmina’swords sounded far away, as I tried hanging on as long as I could. I still didn’t know where my daughter was. If I couldn’t help her… I just knew she would die.
But then I heard her. I heard Christina’s surprised voice… “Oh my God… who are you? What’s going on!” She had just arrived home and was standing at her front door unharmed. The blood on the floor wasn’t hers, Carmina just wanted me to think it was.
“Ah… you’re right on time… welcome to our little family reunion,” Carmina said; amused.
I tried to call out… to warn her, but I couldn’t break out of haze that I was in. I knew that I was going to black out soon.
“I’m sorry…” was all I managed to whisper…
Christina screamed when she peeked around Carmina and saw me…
…and then I blacked out to the sound of my daughter’s screams.
