I sit outside drinking my punch and enjoying the slight, but still pleasant chill of the first day of winter…until I’m called back in by Ms. Fuller announcing that dinner is done.
I walk back in the house and everyone who seemed to have scattered and disappeared earlier is suddenly there. It looks like no one wants to miss one of Ms. Fuller’s meals.
I soon see why. I don’t know what I’m eating, but it’s the best thing I’ve had in all my life. Everyone else chats casually around me, while I attempt to scarf down the yummy cream covered noodles in record time.
Ms. Fuller: Slow down Alida, before you choke.
I slow down, but not because I’m afraid of choking, but because I don’t want the meal to be gone too soon.
After dinner, Ms. Fuller orders us younger kids to change into our pajamas and prepare for bed, which is a shock to me because it’s still light outside. I’ve never in my life gone to bed this early. But, feeling content and full, I don’t argue. I go into my room and change, then sit on my bed trying to figure out just what to think of Ms. Fuller, who is starting to seem a lot like a song belting, punch making, food for the soul cooking miracle woman who could have easily fallen straight outta heaven.
My thoughts are interrupted by Claudia who soon enters the room.
Claudia: Mama Nadine wanted me to tell you to be in the living room at eight for storytime.
Alida: Storytime?
Claudia sits down next to me on the bed.
Claudia: Yes, we try to keep things on schedule around here…dinner around 6, pajamas on after dinner, storytime at 8, and bedtime at 9.
Outside of school, I’ve never been on a schedule before. It’s strange and weird to me. I’m not sure I can even go to sleep so early.
Ms. Fuller is already reading when I walk into the front room a few minutes after 8. It seems that she’s very serious about the schedule. I sit down on the couch, hoping that I haven’t missed much as Ms. Fuller makes the story come to life as if it’s a stage play. Raul and Michael are fully engaged and it doesn’t take long for me to get sucked in as well.
Although her words lure me deep into the story of the Art of the Norwhals…every once in a while I become distracted by the large scar on her face. This is the first time I’ve been this close to it and the longer I stare at it…the more I wonder how she got it. My thoughts alternate between creating pictures in my head formed by Ms. Fuller’s reading voice…and pictures of how I imagine she got the scar. The most vivid image that I imagine is that she got it while fighting off criminals because surely she’s some sort of superhero.
Ms. Fuller takes her time reading through the first three chapters of the book before closing it.
Ms. Fuller: *deep sigh* I love this story more and more each time I read it.
Raul: *groans* Ahhh, can you read just one more chapter.
She gets up with the book in her hand and walks towards the bookshelf to return it.
Michael: *begging* Please…just one more page!
Ms. Fuller: We’ll get back to it tomorrow. You both know it’s bedtime.
Ms. Fuller walks back over to Michael and gives him a big hug.
Ms. Fuller: Good night sweetheart. Sleep well!
Michael: So…will you sign me up for drama club tomorrow?
Ms. Fuller: I’m sorry Michael. Drama club is for girls. You should stick with scouts, okay.
Michael seems to be disappointed, but he doesn’t argue. He says okay and walks towards the bedroom that he shares with Raul.
I sit there as Ms. Fuller goes through the same routine with Raul. He and Michael seem to love her. I already know that I’ll refuse if she tries to hug me. I’m afraid to make room in my heart to love her because if I do…it might leave no room for my mama.
After Raul has left the room, I get up and walk over to Ms. Fuller, preparing to push her away if she tries to hug me. I wait for her to bend down and open her arms to me, but she doesn’t. I’m confused by the disappointment that I feel.
Ms. Fuller: You have a good night Alida. Sleep well…you have to be up early for school tomorrow.
The disappointment begins to turn into anger. Why didn’t she try to hug me? Again…I find myself wanting to lash out.
Alida: Can I ask you a question?
Ms. Fuller: Sure. I guess we have time for one question.
I put my hands on my hips…
Alida: What happened to your face?
Ms. Fuller doesn’t even flinch. She was supposed to flinch!
Ms. Fuller: Are you referring to my scar?
Alida: Yes…did you get into a fight?
Ms. Fuller: That’s a question for another time. Right now…you need to go brush your teeth and go to bed.
Alida: But I really wanna know!
Ms. Fuller: Alida….
Although she says my name in probably the calmest voice possible…there’s something very powerful about it. I don’t like it. I’d rather be yelled at because it’s something that I’m used to – I can understand it.
I turn and walk to the bathroom on jelly legs. I know I’ve crossed a line that I shouldn’t have crossed. By the time I make it into the bathroom and begin to brush my teeth…I understand why I’m feeling so strange. I was trying to be mean to Ms. Fuller for no reason. I wanted to hurt her, but instead of hurting her…I hurt myself because now I feel bad. I decide then and there that I don’t like Ms. Fuller. I don’t like that she can make me feel the way I’m feeling by just saying my name.
Claudia is climbing into bed when I make my way back to the room. To my surprise…I’m actually feeling tired. And I’m grateful for the chance to sleep off the emotions of the day.
(Generation 1 Chapter Summaries)
