I know I can’t avoid her forever, but I’m still afraid to face Mama Nadine the next morning when I wake up. Luckily she’s still asleep when I tip through her bedroom on the way to the bathroom the next morning.
When she finally does wake up…Mama Nadine heads for the kitchen and begins cooking breakfast, breaking into song as usual.
Mama Nadine: *singing*
‘You’re like the morning when the sun comes up
The sweetest sugar in my coffee cup
And every moment you’re a new surprise
You’re my sweet little angel eyes’
I come out of the bedroom dressed for school, wondering if the singing is a sign that she’s no longer upset about what happened yesterday. I look to Michael for a clue, but he just shrugs his shoulders and heads for the nearest empty bathroom.
(Source: ♫♪♫)
I walk over to grab a plate once Mama Nadine calls us over. Raul is right behind me.
Raul: Good morning Alida…
I’d like to ignore him, but I know Mama Nadine is watching, so I quickly mumble a response and sit down with my omelet. Mama Nadine looks over at me like she’d like to say something, but she seems to have changed her mind. I begin eating as she lights the candles on the cake that she just prepared.
It’s Darwin’s birthday, so we all sing Happy Birthday…then watch as he blows out the candles.
Mama Nadine: Happy Birthday sweetheart.
Darwin: Thanks, Mama Nadine.
Lucky Darwin gets to stay home for the day, but the rest of us gather our things and leave for school.
I come home and change because my school clothes are way too hot. While no one is looking, I step out to take a walk and end up at the small playground next door…the one Mama Nadine has forbid us to go to.
I sit down on one of the benches right before my phone alerts me of a text…
Michael’s Text: Where’d you go?
Alida: *whispers to self* Sorry Mike.
I ignore the text and put the phone away.
I should have known that it wouldn’t take long for him to find me.
Michael: There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you. Are you still trying to avoid Mama Nadine? I think she’s forgiven us.
Alida: It’s not just that…
Michael: Then what is it?
Alida: A lot of things…
Michael: Like?
I open my mouth to speak, but I don’t even know where to start.
Alida: I don’t really want to talk about it.
I get up to walk away, hoping Michael will just leave it at that, but he doesn’t.
Michael: Two girls just moved in…twins. I guess that means you won’t wake up to find me in Claudia’s old bed anymore.
I already feel bad for the girls, because in a few years they’ll most likely be facing the same situation that the rest of us are…being forced to move out on their own once they become adults.
When I don’t respond, Michael continues…
Michael: You want to go meet them?
I stop walking once I get to the playground.
Alida: Later…I think I’ll just stay here for a while.
Michael still doesn’t get the hint. Instead of leaving…he walks over to one of the swings.
Michael sits down on the swing. There’s no way he’s going to just leave me alone. So I give up on hoping he will. The next thing I know…my private thoughts begin to spill out of my mouth.
Alida: You know the only thing good about us having to move out? We get a chance to reinvent ourselves…be who we want to be.
Michael drops his head. I can tell that I touched a nerve.
Michael: True, but how do we do that?
Alida: I don’t know.
We remain there in silence for a few moments before Michael begins to speak again.
Michael: You’re lucky, you know. At least people see you for who you are.
Alida: That’s not true. You know what I’m seen as…? I’m a prostitute’s daughter…a murdering prostitute at that. That’s what everyone will always expect me to be.
Michael: I don’t see you that way…neither does Mama Nadine, or Raul, or Claudia.
Alida: Yeah, but what happens when I’m out there on my own? I don’t have a job…or skills. What will I do for money? Will I become what my mother became?
Michael: You don’t have to. That’s the whole thing…you can be who you want to be! But me…I –
Alida: You can be who you want, too.
Michael: It’s not that easy for me.
Alida: Why not? Isn’t that what reinventing ourselves is about?
Michael: Yeah, but how do we get other people to see us the way we want to be seen?
Alida: Maybe we should change our names.
Michael: Exactly! That’s exactly what we should do!
Alida: *giggles* I was just kidding. We can’t do that.
Michael: Why not?
Alida: *more laughter* Change our names…everyone will think we’re nuts!
Michael: No they won’t…people do it all the time.
Alida: But…but… *intense giggles* what would we change our names to?
Michael: Well…I have a name in mind.
I can see that he’s serious. The giggles eventually fade into silence.
Alida: What?
Michael: I’d go by the name Michelle Blu.
Alida: Why Blu?
Michael: Because it’s the way I’ve felt inside for so long…and she’s born from it.
Alida: So…do you wish you were a girl?
Michael: *long pause* I’ve tried that label on and it doesn’t fit me any more than being a boy does. It’s like, there’s no label for me and that’s scary. I mean…if I don’t have an identity – do I really exist?
Alida: You exist…it’s not your fault that the world hasn’t caught up to you yet.
Michael: But what about you? What would you change your name to?
Alida: Well…I like my first name. I think I’ll keep that, but I want a strong last name. Something that people fear when they hear it. Something that will make people think twice before they disrespect me.
Michael: Like a mob name? Maybe something like Capone or Gotti…
Alida: Not necessary a gangster name. I want something that indicates power and wealth.
Michael: You mean like the Landgrabs or the Goths?
Alida: No…something that belongs to me and my future family. It’ll be ours…something no one can touch or take away. Even if I get married…I’ll keep my last name and my kids and their kids will do the same.
Michael: Rich, Cash…Benjamins?
I try each name on for size…
Alida: Alida Rich, Alida Cash…Alida Bejamins – those all sound like a joke.
Michael: Uh…let’s see – Alida Dough, Alida Banks, Alida Paid –
Alida: Wait…that’s it!
Michael: What? Alida Paid?
Alida: No Banks! Alida Banks! That’s what I’ll be known as. That’ll be my legacy…the Banks legacy.
Michael: Why a legacy? Why not a whole Dynasty?
Alida: Yeah…the Banks Dynasty.
Michael: I love it! Michelle Blu and Alida Banks! When do we change it?
Alida: As soon as we become adults. We’ll move out…find a place together, then start our new life with our new names.
Michael: *excited* Yeah! A new life!
Alida: Let’s go back before anyone else comes looking for us.
Michael gets up from the swing and follows me.
Michael: Do we tell anyone else?
Alida: Not until it’s done.
Michael: Okay
We begin walking and a big question crosses my mind…
Alida: Do you think it’s enough though?
Michael: What?
Alida: Changing our names? I mean we’ll still basically be Michelle Blu and Alida Banks…two poor ass parentless kids from Mirage Park.
Michael: This place doesn’t define us…and it’s no indication of where we’ll be in the future.
Alida: How do you know?
Michael: Look around you. We’re already at rock bottom. There’s no place else to go but up. And I can see our future families one day living it up in the Pinnacles.
Alida: I sure hope so…
We walk the rest of the way in silence.
(Generation 1 Chapter Summaries)
