Each morning is beginning to feel sort of like a long goodbye…since Raul, Michael and I will all be moving out on our own over the next few days. I’m up early getting cooking tips from Mama Nadine when Raul enters the kitchen to let us know that he’s all packed up and ready to begin his military career. I hurry over and give him another hug…regretting all the time I wasted by being mad and refusing to speak to him.
Alida: When will I see you again?
Raul: I don’t know…it depends on where they decide to send me. It could be anywhere from Strangerville to Sunset Valley. I’m hoping I end up in Selvadorado…for obvious reasons.
I know he wants to be stationed there so that he can begin to look for his mother, but selfishly…I’m hoping he remains here in Simerica.
He quickly showers, changes…then walks out the door. After he’s left…everyone else gets up to eat breakfast and get ready for school.
It’s not until I’ve finished my breakfast and I’m about to walk out the door on the way to school that I realize that today is my last day. I’ll soon be in the same boat as Raul and Claudia. The thought alone makes my stomach sink completely. I have absolutely no plans on what to do with the next stage of my life.
My social worker Miss Hillary agrees to meet me at the diner next door after school. I’m anxious to see her because I’m hoping she has news of my mother…or that at the very least she can help me set up a visitation so I can go and see her.
She’s sitting at a table when I arrive.
Miss Hillary: Hi Alida…how are you?
Alida: Okay I guess. *straight to the point* So…when do I get to see my mother again? She’s getting out soon, right?
The smile on Miss Hillary’s face doesn’t match her words. I soon realize that it’s only there to soften the blow.
Miss Hillary: I’m afraid I don’t have very good news, Alida. We don’t know when your mother is getting out.
Alida: B-but…she said that she’ll get out when I’m an adult!
Miss Hillary: I know, but not right away. There are still some years on her sentence. I’m so sorry…
I try to allow that to sink in for a few moments, which doesn’t happen right away. The disappointment from the news sort of just bobbles at the edge of my emotions for a while…making me feel unstable and afraid. Finally, it settles into place…and I begin to accept it.
Alida: Can I at least see her?
Miss Hillary: I’ve been trying to set up a visit. Alida…she’s been refusing visitation. Again…I’m sorry.
I feel like I’m on the brink of a tantrum. It’s tough for me to remain calm.
Alida: What!? I mean…she’s my mother. It’s her job to be around to help me.
Miss Hillary: I know sweetheart…but right now, that job has fallen to me and Ms. Fuller and we’re going to do our best to see you through this.
Alida: And how exactly will you do that?
A waitress walks over to take our order, but we send her away for the moment because neither of us has taken any time to look over our menus. Miss Hillary goes on to answer my question…
Miss Hillary: Well…I’ve sent links to some resources to your email. There are some very good programs that –
Alida: *interrupts* Resources? How the f*&k are resources going to help me when I’m going to basically be out there homeless and broke?
Miss Hillary: Alida!
I immediately regret being so harsh. Miss Hillary has been nothing but nice to me over the years.
Alida: I’m sorry, but I’ll be moving out soon and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.
Miss Hillary: Look over what I sent. There’s information on housing and even a link to a website for a company that helps people who age out of foster care find jobs. There are plenty of people who are willing to help. You just have to take the first step.
I don’t have much of an appetite after talking to Miss Hillary, so I say goodbye and leave. I feel just as helpless now as I did when I went to go and see her.
Michael arrives home from drama club soon after. I walk over to him and tell him all about my meeting and how I won’t be getting any help from my mother.
Alida: I guess it’ll be just you and me…
Michael leans in and gives me a big hug…
Michael: We’ll be alright, sis. All we need is each other.
I hope more than anything that he’s right. Michael remains outside to learn his lines for drama club. I head inside to try and figure out what my next steps are.
I know that it wouldn’t hurt to go and take a look at the info that Miss Hillary sent, so I go into Mama Nadine’s bedroom to check for her email. I spend the next hour or so browsing all the websites and writing down a few numbers for places to call that’ll help us transition to adulthood.
At dinner time, I tell Michael all about everything I’ve found.
I retreat to my bedroom for some time alone before Emily and overly talkative Molly decide to join me. I remember something that I received as a gift for my birthday, Winterfest, or whenever. I decide to search for it and find it hidden among some of the things that I’ve basically found little use for over the years. It’s a future cube. I know that they’re completely useless novelty gifts, but maybe, just maybe there’s something more to it. I have just one question…
Alida: Future cube…will Michael and I be okay on our own?
I give it a shake and hope for a good response.
Alida: *reads the results* ‘ Bleak. It all just looks so bleak from in here.’
At least the future cube and I are in complete agreement. I pull out my anxiety bubbles and begin to blow as many of them as I can.
(Generation 1 Chapter Summaries)
