Seeing my mom standing here feels surreal…like I just woke up from a dream world – the only place she actually existed. It’s been years since the last time I’ve hugged her, spoken to her and heard her call me Leelee. Michelle excuses herself to give us some privacy. After the hug…
Alida: I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.
Lea: Hell. It’s been absolute hell being away from you…not knowing if you’re okay.
Alida: I’m fine. I’m just fine.
We sit down to chat.
Lea: My beautiful girl…you’re all grown up now. How have you been?
Alida: Good. I’ve been surviving. It’s been tough at times, but I’m still here.
I sort of feel bad bringing up how tough things have been for me because I can only imagine what she’s been through.
Lea: That’s life…nobody has it easy.
Alida: I don’t know about that…
Lea: *changes subject* Your roommate tells me that you were at your man’s house. In Oasis Springs?
Alida: *a tiny smile escapes* Yeah…his name is Q.
Lea: If he lives in Oasis Springs, he must have money.
Alida: *a little uncomfortable* Yeah…uh, I guess. But, why does that matter?
Lea: Well…I’ve served my time, but I’m on parole and I currently live in a half-way house here in town. I won’t be able to live there forever. I was wondering if I could stay here with you…after they fully release me.
Alida: Here with me? But I live with Michelle…we don’t have room here.
Lea: Can’t your man help you get a bigger place? …since he’s paid.
My mood takes a quick turn for the worst.
Alida: What? That’s not the way it works ma.
Lea: Since when? What’s a man good for if not that?
Alida: Are you serious? *pause* Michelle and I are doing this on our own. I’m not about to depend on a man.
Lea: So where does that leave me? I’m your mother. Are you just going to see me put out on the street? I need you!
Any warm and fuzzy feelings I had upon seeing my mother again vanish as I realize that the only reason she’s here is because she needs something from me.
Alida: Where were you when I needed you? When I thought I was going to be living in the streets?
Lea: You know where I was. I was in prison Leelee. There was nothing I could do for you!
Alida: But why not call to check on me? Why refuse my social worker’s attempts at setting up visits? You basically abandoned me mama. You left me to fend for myself.
Lea: That wasn’t my intention. You were in a good place…with people who were taking good care of you. You didn’t need me in your life.
Alida: *frustrated* Oh my Gawd…*raised voice* I always needed you! Why would you think I didn’t need you?
Alida: *continues* How did you even find me?
Lea: I was able to get in contact with your social worker. She gave me the address. *short pause* Listen Leelee…you only have one mother. I’m the only family you have left. Couldn’t you talk your roommate into finding another place to live? I could move in and we can start over…build a relationship again.
Alida: *disbelief* What? Are you crazy!?
My mom has already worn out her welcome. But she’s still my mother, so I try to hold my temper as best I can. Michelle, possibly drawn by our raised voices, reenters the room.
Alida: Michelle isn’t just my roommate. She’s my sister…my family – just like Mama Nadine and everyone else who lived in that group home. They were the only family I had when you abandoned me.
Lea: But I didn’t abandon you, Lee. I couldn’t help you where –
Alida: You could still be my mother! You could have given me advice…been someone I could talk to. If you didn’t need a place to stay…would you have even tried to find me?
Lea: *angered* Why would you insult me like that? Of course…the hell you thinking? You’re my daughter…my only child. Unlike you…I haven’t forgotten that!
I stand up and walk away. Mama hurries after me…
Lea: I’m sorry Lee. I shouldn’t have said that.
Alida: *holds hand up* Save it…I don’t wanna hear it. You need to leave.
Lea: C’mon baby. Don’t do this to me. I want to be here for you now. We can –
Alida: I need you to go now!
Mama finally gives up and starts towards the door.
Lea: I’m leaving now, but I’ll be back to check on you…from time-to-time.
I don’t respond. This is not the way I thought our reunion would go.
Lea: *before walking out* I love you Lee.
My pride won’t let me respond out loud, so I do so under my breath…
Alida: *inaudible* Love you too ma…
My mom is flawed, but she’s still my mother.
Michelle makes her presence in the room known. I do my best to hold back tears.
Michelle: Do you need a hug babe?
I can only nod because I know that opening my mouth to say anything would open a flood-gate of emotion…twenty years of built-up emotion. Michelle walks over and obliges.
Michelle: I’m so sorry hon…that must have been painful. *pulls back and looks me in the eyes* Are you going to be okay?
Alida: Yeah…it’s like she was never here.
It’s a lie and I know it.
I bury myself in work to avoid being angry at my mom. I finally finish up my freelance work, then engage in some extracurricular activities that make me § 140 richer. I have no idea who Lothario is but based on their account balance…I know they won’t miss what I took. After I manage to go undetected while hacking from the Lothario trust fund…I receive a call from Q.
I answer Q’s call…
Quincy: *on the phone* Hey…I just wanted to check on you – make sure you’re okay.
I clear my throat in an attempt to bury any emotions that might be left in my voice.
Alida: *on the phone* I’m good, thanks for checking…
Quincy: So – everything was okay with Michelle? I hate that you had to leave.
Maybe one day I’ll tell him about my mother showing up at my doorstep. Today is not that day.
Alida: Yeah, it was a personal issue, but we got it all sorted out.
Quincy: Oh, well…there’s a talent show today at the lounge in Del Sol. I was wondering if you wanted to go.
A deep sigh escapes. I’d love to be with Q right now, but honestly…I’m an emotional wreck. I come up with an excuse.
Alida: I’m still buried in work. I had a few issues with that job that I was working on. I basically have to start over.
It hurts my face to lie to him…but what’s the alternative? – “Yeah, so my mom showed up at my doorstep after being imprisoned for 20 years for prostitution and killing a man. By the way, she wanted me to use you to get a bigger place…and now I’m a bit upset about it – goodnight!”
Quincy: I understand. Tomorrow is New Year’s eve. I’m taking you out…a real date. No matter what…okay with you?
I smile despite myself. I love it when he takes charge.
Alida: Yeah…no matter what. See you tomorrow?
Quincy: It’s a date.
We say our goodnights and end the call. Then I discover that hacking people’s accounts come at a price…as I get the blue screen of death on my computer.
(It looks as if the director of a few of Michelle’s commercials may be interested in her. But it’s too bad Michelle was asleep and missed the text. If he wants to date my girl…he’s gonna need a makeover – then maybe we can see where it goes – lol)
Michelle and I sit down to watch a movie, eat, and allow the events of the day to roll off our shoulders.
Michelle: *notices my broken computer* What happened?
I’ve lied enough today. Michelle is the only one that I can talk to about anything.
Alida: I hacked into some rich person’s account and it fried my computer. I got § 140 though.
Michelle: Oh *long pause* I think I can fix it.
And she does…right before we both head to bed.
(Generation 1a Chapter Summaries)
