I stand naked in front of the mirror the next morning, not sure whether to feel disgusted or amazed at what I see. I stare at my stretched out belly thinking that none of this is okay…it shouldn’t even be possible. I look like I swallowed a torpedo. It’s definitely self-propelled. I’m just waiting on it to explode me into a million pieces.
I get dressed and leave the bathroom, not sure how I’m going to get through the rest of this pregnancy. And even worse, how am I going to tell Michelle that Q wants me to move in with him?
Michelle is in the kitchen trying to scrape stuck scrambled eggs out of the skillet. I sit down on one of the benches…which is feeling extra unstable and uncomfortable because of my added weight.
Michelle finishes with the eggs and walks over.
Michelle: Good morning! How are you feeling?
Alida: Miserable
Michelle: Oh babe…I’m so sorry. Anything I can do?
Alida: No…but I need to tell you something.
Michelle: Yeah, okay
Michelle hands me a plate of eggs and toast, then grabs one for herself and walks over to the bench next to me.
Michelle sits down.
Alida: Oh…uh, Q asked me to move in with him.
Michelle: What did you say?
Alida: I told him that I can’t leave you behind, but I’d think about it.
Michelle: Alida! You wouldn’t be leaving me behind! You have to move in with Q. You’re a family now.
Alida: But what will you do?
Michelle: I’ll stay here…maybe fix this place up. With some paint and some new furniture…this will actually be a really nice house. The point is…I don’t want you to be thinking about me right now. Think about my little niece or nephew and what’s best for them.
Alida: But what will I do if I can’t see you every day?
Michelle: We’ll still see each other. It might not be every day, but I’ll be in Oasis Springs as much as you want me there and I’m sure you’ll still come to visit me. Right? You had to know this day would come eventually. You didn’t expect us to be two forever single…grumpy old ladies growing old together, did you?
Alida: No…I guess not.
Michelle: Then that’s it. You need to start packing!
I get up to clean the dirty dishes while Michelle checks a message that just came in on her phone.
Michelle: It’s Tamati! He wants to meet up. I need to go get dressed!
Michelle hurries to the bathroom to shower and change…then hurries out the door.
Moments later, near the 8 Bells Bar…
Tamati: Why did you ask me to meet you here?
Michelle: I figured we’d go to the bar and have a few drinks.
Tamati: A bar? This is a date. I’m not taking you to a bar. I have a full day planned for us. I was thinking we’d go to San Myshuno…
I head to my computer, hoping to get a big chunk of my next freelance job done, when I receive a call from my mom asking if we can meet. I’m reluctant to do it, but part of me feels like it’s only right to let her know that she’ll be a grandmother soon. I tell her to meet me at the Slip 42 Ice Cream Stand, but based on our last meeting…I’m definitely not looking forward to it.
My mom is already seated when I arrive at the Ice Cream Stand. She takes one look at my oversize belly and starts in before I can even sit down…
Lea: So you took my advice after all…
Alida: *I sit down* What do you mean?
Lea: You’re pregnant…now he’ll be forced to take care of you.
I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
Alida: First of all…saying crap like that will guarantee that you’ll never meet your grandchild. I didn’t get pregnant on purpose, ma. And I definitely didn’t do it to try and trap a man. If this is what you wanted to meet about, then I’m out of here…
Lea: Wait…I’m sorry Leelee. I shouldn’t have said that.
This meeting has already been ruined for me. I grab my menu hoping to quickly pick something, eat it and leave. I knew that seeing my mom would be a mistake. The waiter walks over to take our orders. I’m glad because it means we can avoid speaking to each other for a while.
After the waiter leaves, my mom attempts to apologize again.
Lea: I’m really sorry. I want to be a part of your life and the baby’s. I guess…I’m just repeating the same crap my mom used to tell me.
I perk up a bit. My mom has never really spoken of my grandmother before.
Lea: My mom was forced to raise me alone…like I had to do with you. There were times when she had to do what she had to do to make sure we were fed, clothed and that we kept a roof over our head. Her philosophy…’use what you’ve got to get what you want.’ The only problem with that is I was never very smart…so I only had one thing to offer. I’m sure you can guess what that was.
Alida: It doesn’t have to be like that though ma. You can take classes and learn a skill, like I’ve done.
Lea: A skill? At my age? Who would ever hire me? I’m at the age where most people are retiring…and I’m an ex-con. It’s over for me.
Our ice cream arrives…mint chocolate chip for me and peach frozen yogurt for my mom.
Lea: *squeals and claps with delight* You know how long it’s been since I’ve had frozen yogurt…or peaches for that matter?
I can only imagine what its been like for her being denied so many things that I’ve taken for granted for so long. I decide to move the conversation along…
Alida: Ma…I’ll be moving in with my boyfriend soon.
Lea: Yeah?
Alida: Have you figured out what you’re going to do after your probation?
Lea: One of the other ladies from the half-way house and I are planning on getting an apartment together. I’m gonna have to figure out what to do for money though. Maybe I can stuff envelopes or someone will take pity on me and let me greet customers at the Sim-mart or something. Doesn’t take much skill to do that, right?
I’m sure there’s something else she can do…but I keep it to myself. If she’s determined to feel sorry for herself…then she’ll never hear me anyway.
As I’m finishing up my ice cream…I feel a sudden flutter in my belly.
Lea: You okay?
Alida: I think I just felt the baby move.
Lea: *chuckles* I can still remember what it was like the first time I felt you move.
This is the first maternal thing I’ve heard my mother say since we’ve been reunited.
I stand up to leave.
Alida: I’d better go. I’m not sure the ice cream is agreeing with me.
Lea: Okay
My mom stands up and we share an awkward hug.
Lea: Thanks for meeting with me…
I nod in response, then I walk away.
That evening…Michelle and I sit on the couch, realizing that this is probably our last night as roommates. We watch Simder – a movie known for its poignant, touching scenes…which gives us a good excuse to take turns crying.
Michelle is the first to head to bed. Before she can fully enter her bedroom, I call out to her…
Alida: I’m going to miss you!
Michelle: I’m going to miss you too.
Michelle closes her door and crawls into bed. I finish up my dinner and do the same.
(Generation 1a Chapter Summaries)
[…] Day 38 – Alida makes a decision about Q’s offer and later meets with her mother for the 2nd time. […]