I’m not stupid. I knew there was a chance this would happen. But I rolled the dice anyway. Optimism bias was the servant, but pure hedonism was the master in making such bad decisions. Now I have to create a new set of rules to live by, or I’ll never move on from here. I’m glad to know Gran has my back. Without her, I wouldn’t even know how to take the first steps.
Gran is busy making lunch. I hurry past her and Pop-pop for some time alone outside. My thoughts go immediately to Craig as I wonder how he’d react. I don’t have bad memories of being with him, but he’s already told me that he doesn’t want to be a part of my life. Can I see myself raising this baby alone?
I turn to art, just like I always do when my thoughts are confused. What I end up with doesn’t surprise me, but is it supposed to be the baby or me?
I return to the kitchen because I’m starving. Gran is there waiting for me.
Alice: I’m so glad you’re back with us. I don’t even want to imagine what you’d be eating if you were still out there with…them.
Prosperity: Gran, Keith was a great cook.
Alice: Yeah, but what was he cooking?
My mind involuntarily goes to Craig showing me the grub and beetle farms mentioning that they provide extra protein at times. She has a point.
I grab a serving of the salad Gran prepared and sit down on the couch. Pop-pop joins me with his bowl. If he notices my belly, he doesn’t mention it. I feel incredibly uncomfortable sitting there with him…like I have a large billboard in the middle of my torso. I eat quickly and excuse myself.
I sit outside on the sunporch, where I spot some of Gran’s knitting needles and yarn. Wild was always knitting back at camp. It seemed to relax her. I can use something to relax me, so I pick the needles and yarn up and try to do what I’ve seen Wild and Gran doing. After I’d spent some time trying to get the knitting needles to cooperate, Gran comes out and sits beside me.
Alice: Let me show you…
There are a million things Gran could be asking me right now, such as: do I still plan on going to college, do I plan on keeping the baby, or, more importantly…who’s the baby’s father? Instead, she pulls out a 2nd set of needles and models for me how to line everything thing up. I watch her, and then I copy it. I stumble, she shows me again and again until I get it right. We remain that way for hours, and somehow this means much more to me than being bombarded with questions that I don’t want or don’t know how to answer.
It’s late. Pop-pop has long since gone to bed. We work on our knitting until our eyes are crossed. Gran announces that she’s beyond tired. She stands up to go to her bedroom but doesn’t make it. She collapses by the door.
Prosperity: Gran! Gran, are you okay?
I can feel it like a heavy weight deep down in my stomach. Gran isn’t getting up. The grief engulfs me all at once. I stand, but I can’t move any further. The tears blind me and my body shudders with sobs.
I feel, rather than see the light coming on in Gran and Pop-pop’s bedroom. Pop-pop has heard my cries. I hear him moan as if he already knows what has happened.
Pop-pop steps out of the house with bare feet and stops when he sees his wife there on the floor. He knows as well as I do that it’s over. Gran is gone forever. I’m finally able to walk to him and place my hand on his arm. He feels tiny suddenly as if some of his life has been sucked out of him. He ages and shrinks before my eyes. That scares me more than anything.
Quincy Sr.: I need a moment alone with her Peri.
I reluctantly turn and enter the house. He seems so frail and weak that leaving him alone is the last thing I want to do. But I know that he needs to find a way to say goodbye to the love of his life. I go to my bedroom to call my parents. It’s going to be a long night.
(Generation 2 Chapter Summaries)
