The house is finally quiet, exactly what I was looking for, but it doesn’t take long for my grief to begin to envelop me. Now that I have my classes, I decide to get a head start on some of the homework. I manage to get through work for one class before Kai is up again. I put away my work, hoping that this isn’t a preview of how the whole semester will go. Luckily Kai will age up on my first day of classes. Maybe he won’t be so needy as a child.
Kai: My tummy need food.
Prosperity: How are you always hungry?
I give him his bowl and step away to prepare my meal.
But of course, Kai is done eating and ready to get out of his highchair before I can even finish.
Kai: I get out now.
I know that if I take him out of his high chair, he’s going to want a story. By the time I finish with that, my food will be cold.
Prosperity: I need you to sit there for just a few more minutes, then we can get you ready for bed. I just want to remember what hot food tastes like.
Kai: I get out, and you read story, please.
Prosperity: As soon as I’m done.
Kai: But, I get out now.
I know the tears are coming. Sure enough, he squints his eyes and takes a deep breath, prepared to yell.
Prosperity: The waterworks won’t work this time.
Except it does work. Before I know it, we’re both crying. I stand there feeling incredibly guilty because I’m unable to balance caring for Kai while nursing an incessant feeling of misery that isn’t going away anytime soon. I wish that I had told daddy that I’m not okay. I could have used his help for a little longer.
I finally manage to pull tiny bits of myself together enough to get Kai into his pajamas. He finally gets his story, and I get through it without breaking into tears. I’m relieved when he finally crawls into bed. I hope he stays there all night because I know trying to get any rest will be almost impossible for me.
(Generation 2 Chapter Summaries)
