I’ve been doing a lot of reading since completing high school. I don’t know how much time I’ll have to read for pleasure once I enroll in college, so I’m taking advantage of the time I have now. Most of the books have been about controlling emotions, but I’ve also been interested in increasing my logic skills. I join ma, who has also been trying to improve her logic skills for work, in the living room.
Q had a great time out with the elder group, but he arrives home with mixed feelings. He knows Alida and his sister Sophia would want him to live his life and be happy, but knowing they are not here to be a part of that makes him miss them even more.
He goes to his room for a nap but gets a call from Merit. Q is not really feeling up to talking, but maybe he can be a listening ear for his son. He answers the call and learns that Merit is on his way over to check on him. Q keeps it brief. He spends a few moments reflecting on his feelings before Merit arrives.
Uncle Merit arrives to check on us. It’s always good to see him. Ma puts away her book and gets up to greet him with a hug.
Ma and Uncle M sit down to talk. I lower my eyes back to my book and pretend that I’m not interested in their conversation.
Prosperity: Did you come from Strangerville?
Merit: No, we never left. Roni and I booked a room for a few nights here in town.
Prosperity: Well, where is she? Why didn’t she come too?
Merit: We’re having some issues right now.
Prosperity: What sort of issues?
There’s no way I can concentrate on my book now. So I keep reading the same word over and over again while my ears are tuned in to ma and Uncle M’s conversation.
Merit: I proposed to her shortly before we arrived yesterday – and she turned me down.
Prosperity: Oh Meri, I’m so sorry to hear that.
Merit: It’s okay. It’s not the first time. I’ve asked for over a year now, and she keeps refusing.
Prosperity: Has she given you a reason?
Merit: I know the reason.
Prosperity: Well? What is it?
Merit: I don’t know if I should be saying this, but…*sigh* We’ve been going to therapy. Roni hasn’t been the same since Auntie Michelle passed away.
Prosperity: Really? I noticed that she seemed a bit withdrawn yesterday at Kai’s party. But she’s always been sort of like that.
I noticed that something wasn’t right between Roni and Uncle Merit, too. It begins to feel awkward just sitting there pretending to read, so I get up to put away my book as the conversation gets more profound.
Merit: Again, I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but apparently, she’s been going through some abandonment issues. It’s affecting everything, including our relationship. It seems the closer we get – the more she tries pushing me away.
Prosperity: That sounds serious. Is the therapy working?
Merit: A little, I mean – it’s a slow process. This whole thing stems from when she was a child and left by her birth parents. And then, Auntie Michelle’s passing triggered it all over again. So now she’s afraid that I’ll leave her too. She keeps saying that she’s unworthy of me – and I just don’t get it as much as I try.
Prosperity: Oh, Merit. I’m so sorry that you’re both going through this. I’m not familiar with that type of thing.
Ma may not be familiar, but something about what Uncle M is saying hits home for me. Hearing the words “abandonment” and “unworthy” sends a churning into my belly. Is it possible to feel abandoned by someone you don’t even really know?
Q drags himself out of bed and into the main part of the house. Cooking dinner for his family has always lifted his spirits. So maybe that’ll work now.
Pop-pop finally joins the rest of us in the dining room after announcing that he made dinner. He wasn’t at his place when I went to check on him earlier. I’m guessing he must have gone out for a walk or something. I’m glad to see that he seems to be okay.
But am I okay? Strangely, I can relate to what Uncle M was saying about Roni. I mean – I’ve always had my mom in my life, and I know that she’d never leave me. But a small part of me always wondered about my father and why he chose not to be around. I thought that I’d feel better when I finally met him, but I don’t. I try not to, but I sometimes wonder if there’s something about me that he didn’t like. Is that why he still hasn’t tried to get to know me?
It’s time for Merit to leave. Although he was hesitant at first to reveal what’s been going on between him and Roni, he’s glad to have it off his chest finally. It gets lonely in Strangerville, and he doesn’t always know how to help Roni through her issues. All he can do is try his best to reassure her, but there isn’t anyone around to comfort him. He wishes he could convince Roni to move here to Windenburg, but just as he tries to think about ways to talk her into it – he slips on the icy bottom step and lands on his butt. The cold is something that he doesn’t miss. Maybe he can stick it out in Strangerville just a bit longer.
(Generation 3 Chapter Summaries)
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