Melisa is sitting down eating pasta when I enter. I grab a plate and sit down with her. A sudden bout of distress and guilt strikes me. Since Melisa has been here, I’ve forgotten all about being sad for Pop-pop. I mean, he’s still on my mind, but the heaviness isn’t there.
Kai: Do you think it’s okay to seek happiness after a loved one dies?
I know it may sound like a silly question, but it’s what I’m asking myself right now.
As Melisa thinks about it, I continue.
Kai: I was there when my grandmother died.
I don’t know why I’m telling her this. It’s something that I never really talked about before, but it’s been heavy on my heart for a long time.
Kai: We were having dinner in Sulani – me, my Pop-pop, and gran. Suddenly, she got up to go to the restroom and collapsed. At first, my Pop-pop and I didn’t even realize it had happened. We sat there and continued to talk while she was dying. And I feel so bad about it because I didn’t even go to Sulani specifically to spend time with them. I was there because I secretly wanted to meet my father. And I was more upset about not finding him than I was about my gran being gone. What type of sim does that make me?
After I finish, I wish I had kept that to myself. It makes me feel like such a shitty sim, and I don’t want her to see me that way. I wait for her response.
Melisa: It doesn’t make you a bad sim if that’s what you’re thinking.
Melisa: *continues* Losing a loved one is never easy, and you experienced more than your fair share. You didn’t just lose your grandmother that day; you loss a chance to meet your father too. A loss is a loss. Sometimes there’s only so much mourning that we can do. *slight pause* And, as far as seeking happiness, I think that’s okay, too. It doesn’t mean you loved the person who’s gone any less. It just means that you’ve found the courage to continue living. In a way – it honors them because you’re not wasting your life, which is something they no longer have.
I started my day thinking that I’d never smile again. But here I am smiling – because I’m here with the most compassionate person I’ve ever known.
Kai: Thank you for saying that. I never thought about it like that.
Melisa: Glad to help
Kai: You make me happy, and I’m glad you’re here with me.
Melisa doesn’t respond, but the joy I see in her eyes says it all.
Melisa: It’s a nice night. Want to go outside?
I’d go anywhere with her. She gets up, and I get up to follow.
There’s a tarp outside on the ground. I never really paid attention to it. Melisa sees it and walks over to it. She lies down on her back. Without question – I do the same.
Melisa: On a clear night, we’d be able to see more stars.
Kai: I never really looked at the stars before. Not like this.
Melisa: *points to the sky* Do you see that bright star?
Kai: Yeah, the North Star, right?
Melisa: Yes, it’s also called Polaris. If there wasn’t so much light pollution, we could see the Little Dipper. But if you follow Polaris, you can see the Big Dipper. It looks like a big scoop.
Kai: I see it!
Melisa: Each of the seven stars that make up the Big Dipper has a name.
Kai: I didn’t know that. What are they?
Melisa: There’s Alkaid, which is at the start of the handle. Then there’s Mizar –
Melisa goes on and on, naming all the stars of the Big Dipper and the nearby constellations. Her voice soothes me and makes me wish she knew the name of every single star in the galaxy. I’d remain there as long as it took to hear them all.
But, the sky is cloudy, and there are only so many stars that we can see. It begins to get late and slightly chilly. Finally, Melisa gets up and announces that it’s time for her to return to her dorm. She surprises me by stepping closer and pulling me into a hug.
Melisa: *whispers* I’m so sorry for your loss, Kai.
I’m sorry too. But I’ve gained a lot just from having Melisa here with me. I made it through the day because of her.
Before he passed, Pop-pop told me that he wasn’t interested in casually dating anyone when he was my age. I didn’t get it at the time. But, standing here with Melisa, his words resonate in my soul. Of course, this is not the date that I wanted to plan. But this night is even more precious, and I wish it didn’t have to end.
Kai: Can I kiss you?
She smiles, then places her hand on her heart. Is it pounding as hard as mine? She looks up at me and makes eye contact. Finally, she nods.
We both take a step forward and lean until our lips meet. Melisa’s kiss is soft and sweet, like strawberries. One peck isn’t enough. She pulls me closer, and I respond by doing the same. An innocent kiss quickly escalates into so much more. But this is not the time or place. We step away, but the feelings don’t go away. A particular part of me is throbbing, trying to rotate like a needle on a compass, desperate to point North. I have to focus on keeping it from giving me away. Does she have any idea how much I want her?
I count silently in my head until I know that my body won’t betray me.
Kai: I don’t want you to go.
Melisa: And I don’t want to, but I’d better.
Kai: Yeah. I guess so.
I take her hand in mine.
Kai: See you tomorrow?
Melisa: Yes, of course.
We say goodbye, but it takes a moment or two before she finally releases my hand. Then she turns and walks away. Later on, I’ll be annoyed at myself for not walking her to her dorm. But for now, I’m stuck in place – have I been struck by love?
(Generation 3 Chapter Summaries)
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