I can barely keep up with all my thoughts and emotions after Tami leaves. And before I know it, I’m sitting there in tears. What am I going to do without my daughter and wife? I pull out my phone, tempted to call Maia to beg and plead for her forgiveness. But I don’t want to make things worse. I survey my list of contacts and choose a different one instead.
The phone rings several times. Finally, I hear Luca’s voice.
Wade: Hey Luc, man. Did I catch you at a bad time?
Luca: *on the phone* No, I was just watching some TV with Desi. Is everything okay? You sound a little strange.
I pause, trying to figure out what to say. I hate to lay my burdens on Luca again, but he’s the only one I can talk to about this. I hear Luca get up, and the TV in the background fades as if he’s left the room.
Luca: Dub? Are you okay? You’re scaring me.
That’s not the first time I’ve heard Luca say that. The funny thing is, this time I’m scaring myself.
Wade: *sniffling* No. I uh – it’s Maia.
Luca: Maia? Did something happen to her?
I try to answer, but the words get stuck in my throat and come out as a groan.
Luca: Dub! Talk to me. What’s going on?
Wade: *shuddering* I- I think it might be over, bro.
Luca: Over? What do you mean, over?
Wade: She wants me to move out.
Luca: She wants you out? What the hell did you do??
I try to catch my breath. There are so many answers to Luca’s question. I don’t know where to begin. Luca picks up on my hesitation.
Luca: Where are you? I’m coming over!
Part of me could use the company, but I can’t face Luca right now. I don’t think I can face anyone. I take a second to compose myself.
Wade: I’m staying at the rental. But you don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay. I just – I messed up so bad this time and I don’t think anything I say or do will fix it. And Tami… *fresh tears* Maia wants me away from Tami. That’s the worst part.
Luca: But why would she-? *pauses* Oh… I know what this is about.
Wade: Maia said you would. She thinks I’ve ruined Tami and said she needs to undo the damage.
Luca: Take a deep breath and let it out slow. What made Maia say that?
Wade: I’m so stupid, Luc! You and I – we’ve talked about the mistakes I was making with Tami and I still failed her. *sobs* I b-bought Tami a h-horse, behind Maia’s back. How could I be so stupid? And now it’s over. Maia said she’s done. What can I do, Luc? How do I fix it?
Luca: *long sigh* This is a lot, man. I can’t really answer that. Maybe when things calm down…
Wade: *hopeful* It’ll be okay. Right?
Luca: I don’t know. Are you sure you don’t want me to come over?
Wade: *sniffles* Yeah, I’m sure. I don’t want to drag you into it. Go back to Desi and tell everyone ‘hi’ for me. I think I’ll go to bed. It’s like you said – ‘when things calm down’…right?
There’s hesitation in Luca’s voice, but he eventually agrees.
Luca: Yeah. Keep me updated on what’s going on—I’m worried.
Wade: I will.
Luca: You’ve got to promise me, Dub, or I’m coming over.
Wade: I promise.
Luca said, ‘Maybe when things calm down.’ I can hang my hopes on that for now, but I’m still afraid of losing my family. There’s nothing else to do but go to bed as I told Luca I would. Maybe I’ll get some sleep this time.
Sleep is the cure for everything, at least that’s what I tell myself. But when I enter the bedroom, the bed looks cold and lonely. I need my wife back.
My phone suddenly buzzes and I pull it out quickly and look at it, hoping it’s Maia. Have things calmed down enough? But it’s not Maia – it’s Dad. Do I really want to talk to him right now? Am I ready to confess all of my shortcomings and tell my Dad I ruined my marriage? I have two choices, I can decline the call or answer. I answer and drag the phone to my ear as I conjure up fake cheerfulness
Wade: Hey dad!
Kai: *on the phone* Hey Dub! I had some good news I wanted to deliver.
I could use some good news.
Wade: Oh yeah? What is it?
Kai: Mase and Zoe just delivered a healthy baby girl! They named her Serena. Two granddaughters! We almost can’t believe it.
I’m happy for my brother Mase. He deserves all the joy in the world. And I’m sure he’ll do a much better job at raising his daughter than I did. The thought makes me tear up again.
Wade: That’s great, Dad.
I try to be as upbeat as possible, but it still falls flat.
Kai: You okay, Dub? Did I catch you at a bad time?
I want to be strong and put up a brave front, but a sniffle gives me away.
Kai: *concerned* Dub?
I shift back to childhood – a ten-year-old boy needing his father’s comfort. My voice is shaky as I try to suppress sobs.
Wade: Can I come home, Dad?
Dad’s voice is a mix of concern and confusion.
Kai: Of course, you can always come home. Will Maia and Tami be coming with you? We can make up the guest room and maybe put an extra bed in the game room or downstairs office.
I wish it would be all of us, but it won’t be.
Wade: No – just me.
Kai: Did something happen?
Wade: I’ll tell you when I get there. See you tomorrow?
Kai: Yeah. Looking forward to it.
I end the call, forgetting to say goodbye. It’s just like me to ruin incredible family news. I scoot back to the middle of the bed and draw my knees to my chest. Mase’s happy life is just beginning and mine is at an end.
There’s no stopping the tears. I sit in that position and cry until I’m too exhausted to continue. Eventually, I crawl under the covers, hoping for the solace of sleep.
♫“Sleepless nights under the sun.
Trouble finds no rest when you’re the troubled ones,
Reality is bittersweet,
So scared of what my eyes can’t see,
What if it comes and then it’s undone?
Still afraid that you won’t call,
Give it ’til I lose it all ,
We got so used to the highs,
We couldn’t see ourselves fall.
Wish that we could fly beyond empty skies where stars belong,
Am I handpicking fruit from a forbidden tree?
Or is this meant for me?
Beyond the plains of selfish cares,
I’m tryna leave my ego there,
‘Cause that ain’t what I need,
How can it be?
Still afraid that you won’t call,
Give it ’til I lose it all,
We got so used to the highs,
We couldn’t see ourselves fall.”♪ (Song:Troubled Ones by Samm Henshaw)
Tambara: *to herself* Mom and Dad are being stupid!
The angry thought crosses her mind, helping to keep the tears away. She doesn’t understand everything that’s happening between her parents, but none of it makes sense to her. And how does she fit into the scheme of things? What was that crap her dad was spewing about failing to set boundaries? Is this entire thing her fault?
No, Tami thinks to herself as she leaves her room and heads for the bathroom. She refuses to have any blame for her parents’ poor decisions. And what happens if her dad moves out? Where will he live? Will she even get to see him?
Tami heads into the kitchen for something to eat. She’s alone, and she’s glad because she has to sort this thing out in her head. Maybe there’s something she can do to help her mom and dad get back together. But then again, they are being stupid and there isn’t a cure for it.
Her mom enters the kitchen as she’s washing her dirty dishes.
Maia: Did you see your dad?
Tami has to talk herself down to avoid lashing out.
Tambara: Yeah
Maia: I’m sorry you’re in the middle of all of this. I wish things could be different.
Tambara: Do you, though?
Maia: Of course Tami! I never wanted this to happen.
Tami can think of a million hurtful things to say, but keeps them to herself. It’s probably what her mother expects. Tami won’t give her the satisfaction. If her parents aren’t going to talk to each other, she’s not going to talk to them. At least until they’re done being dumbasses.
Tambara: I’m tired.
Tami turns and leaves for her bedroom, leaving Maia alone, crumbling under her emotions.
(Generation 4 Chapter Summaries)
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