I hop on the computer to begin making arrangements for our move tomorrow. Our new home is mostly furnished already, but there are a few things that I need to make it feel like home. Plus, Kai’s bedroom needs to be completed, so I get to work ordering furniture and toys for him. While I’m at it, Pop-pop leaves Kai’s bedroom and announces that he needs to step out for a bit. I don’t ask any questions; I just hope that all is okay.
Q Sr. enters his wife’s tomb at Journey’s End cemetery. He didn’t want this to be a sad visit, but he begins to tear up as soon as he sees his wife’s urn and portrait.
Quincy Sr.: It’s not fair that you didn’t get to meet our great-grandson. I wish I could trade places with you because you deserve to be the one holding him and caring for him. *emotional pause* Oh Alice, you left way too soon.
Grief overcomes him, and he breaks down in heavy sobs.
Just up from his nap, I enter the bedroom to see Kai sitting up in bed, babbling to himself. If I want to avoid the task of changing diapers for his entire toddlerhood, I know that I’d better get started on potty training him. I take him into the bathroom and show him the potty.
Prosperity: This is for you. It’s your big boy potty. Can you sit down on it for me?
Kai stands and stares at it for a while. I can see the uncertainty on his face. I reassure him as best I can and show him how to sit down on it.
I figure that if he sits down on it long enough, something will happen. I didn’t anticipate how long, though. I patiently stand there until I’m rewarded with the quiet sound of him tinkling in the potty. He seems to be as surprised as I am.
Prosperity: *proud* You did it! You did it!
Kai is pleased with my reaction. He raises his arms and dances in place.
Pop-pop returns home and begins cooking dinner. Kai sits down to play with his blocks while I complete a knitting project that I’ve been working on.
Pop-pop walks in with his plate and sits down with us. He doesn’t say much, so I suspect that he’s just there for the companionship. As always, I appreciate his company. As Kai plays, Pop-pop’s face lights up from time to time as Kai makes a new discovery.
Pop-pop finishes his meal and gets up to leave the room.
Quincy Sr.: I’m going to miss you guys, Peri.
There’s no denying the emotion in his voice. He’s out of the room by the time I have a chance to respond, but I say it out loud anyway…
Prosperity: We’ll miss you too, Pop-pop.
Kai continues to play with his toys. I watch him as closely as Pop-pop did. I can tell that he’s smart, but seeing how much he looks like his father makes my heart skip a beat. I can see Craig in his every movement. Kai is a walking reminder of the stupid things I’ve done, but I could never call him a mistake, and I don’t regret that he’s here.
Kai crawls into bed as I pull out a story to read to him. He seems to know the drill already. His eyes grow heavy within a few pages. After he’s asleep, I put the book away and stare into his sweet angelic face. I want to kiss him and protect him for the rest of his life. I remember being pregnant and questioning if I would ever be enough, now I see that I have no choice. This kid has stolen my heart, and I vow to do my best never to let him down. I am not only his mother, but I’ll also have to fill in the missing parts of his life where his father should be. It’s not fair to him, but that’s the way it is.
The deep, dark, murky colors of fear and anxiety follow me to my bathroom, but I refuse to let them take over. There is no space for them. I want Kai’s future to be bright, so colors that are not conducive to that will have to be left behind. I’m not naïve. I know that they’ll show themselves every now and again, but it’s my job to make sure they aren’t welcome.
(Generation 2 Chapter Summaries)
