It’s the first day of the new year, but also the end of Udom’s time here. At least for now, unless I say something that makes him stay.
He’s still sleeping when I quietly climb out of bed. I slip into the bathroom for a shower, letting the hot water wake me up and steady me for the day I’ve been dreading.
Fully dressed, I reenter the bedroom and watch him sleep for a moment, imagining what it would be like to wake up beside him all the time. He stirs gently, and I wonder what he’s dreaming about—and if it’s us. Standing there any longer starts to feel a little creepy, so I finally wake him.
Tambara: Udom, time to get up!
That’s enough to pull him from sleep. He gets out of bed and walks over, still drowsy, still desirable even with sleep in his eyes, and pulls me into a hug.
Udom: Good morning, beautiful.
His tart morning breath brushes my neck, and somehow even that feels like something I could get used to.
Tambara: Good morning.
I hold him a little longer before stepping back.
Tambara: You can shower. Everything you need is in there. I’ll make something to eat.
Thirty minutes later, Udom and I sit at my table with bowls of coconut rice in front of us.
Udom: Food looks good.
His voice is still groggy. I don’t think he’s a morning person. Or maybe he hasn’t adjusted to the time difference.
Tambara: It’s one of the few things I know how to make.
We take a few bites, with Udom remarking on how good it is. I’m quietly processing my thoughts, picturing Udom on a plane in just a few hours. I can practically hear the seconds ticking away in my ears. If I don’t say something now, he’ll be gone, and I’ll be wondering what if.
Tambara: What if I told you I don’t want you to leave?
Udom: What do you mean?
I adjust my tone so I don’t sound desperate or begging.
Tambara: Stay here on the ranch with me. You can help me run it.
I was hoping he’d hesitate and at least think about it. Instead, he chimes right in as if the thought never crossed his mind. Or if it did, he eliminated it right away. The answer lands harder than I expected.
Udom: I can’t stay here. My life is in Tomarang. It’s where I work and where I live.
Tambara: Okay, well, we can continue to do this.
Udom: This? What is this?
Tambara: You can visit on your days off. I’ll fly you out.
Udom pauses and eats more of his food. Hopefully he’s seriously considering it.
Udom: That sounds a lot like my childhood, constantly flying back and forth like a possession shared and exchanged between my parents. I finally have stability. I’m sorry, Tami, but my life is in Tomarang.
Tambara: But you’re a lifeguard. You’d choose that over me? Over what we could have here?
Udom’s brow furrows. He sets his spoon down, and I can see anger building in his eyes and hear a sharpness in his tone.
Udom: Would you give up your ranch and move to Tomarang with me?
He can’t be serious.
Tambara: No.
Udom: Then you understand what I’m saying.
He’s wrong. I don’t understand, and I don’t want to.
Tambara: But giving up work as a lifeguard can’t compare to owning a ranch. I have so much more to lose.
Anger lines Udom’s face, and I can see his jaw tighten.
Udom: It might not mean much to you, but I enjoy my work. I love the simple life I live in Tomarang, and my mother is there. I finally get to see her whenever I want.
Tambara: But you’re poor. How much would it cost for you to stay?
Udom says a few rapid words in Tomarang before switching to Simlish.
Udom: Money isn’t everything, but you’ll never see that. I enjoyed these past few days here with you, but the distance thing won’t work. Maybe we should just be friends.
Friends. Did he really say that? He can’t possibly realize what he’s giving up.
Tambara: I guess that’s it then.
I push my chair back hard and stand.
Tambara: You can see yourself out when it’s time for you to leave. Good luck paying for your rideshare.
I turn and head outside, no goodbye or anything. He wants to end things and leave; then I’ll let him do it.
Anger fuels my steps. I find Finesse right where I left her, in the large paddock. I go over and try to distract myself by brushing her coat.
Not even twenty minutes later, Udom walks out the front door. His flight doesn’t leave for a few hours, but I guess he doesn’t see the point in staying.
Honestly, I don’t either. If it’s over, it’s better to rip the band-aid off now.
I pretend not to see him as he gets closer.
Udom: Thanks for the visit.
And with that, he walks out the gate without even waiting for his rideshare to pull up. Maybe he plans on walking to the airport.
As the gate slams shut, the sound ricochets deep within my belly. Hurt and rejection build, along with something completely unexpected. And for the first time, I wonder if I just dodged a bullet. Would a relationship with Udom have worked, or would we have just ended up like my parents?
I reenter the house, which now feels ten times bigger. The steps of my feet are the only thing filling the silence. Our bowls are still on the table. Staring at the bowl Udom just ate out of makes me want to tear up. I hear his angry words repeating in my head. I swallow the emotion and grip his bowl as if it means nothing before taking the dishes to the dishwasher. He’s not worth my tears if he could walk away that easily.
I stand there, suddenly very aware of the fireplace just across the room, and picture us lying there, wrapped around one another. But now it’s nothing more than a moment in time.
My cell suddenly rings. I look down expectantly, hoping it’s Udom saying he’s changed his mind and he’s coming back. But it’s not.
It’s a video call from Daddy, the last person I want to talk to. Mom would have been a better choice. But I answer anyway.
His voice and the smile on his face are way too cheerful for my eyes and ears right now.
Wade: Hey, Princess! I was calling to remind you of my visit tomorrow.
I pause.
Tambara: Oh, hey, Daddy. Yeah, I didn’t forget.
It’s a lie. I completely forgot. I hope my face doesn’t reveal that truth.
Wade: Good! I was thinking about bringing Kalani with me so the two of you could meet, but I’m second-guessing myself. Is it too soon?
Kalani? Who the hell is Kalani? But then I remember Daddy has a girlfriend now. There’s no way I want to be around a happy couple.
Tambara: Definitely too soon.
Wade: Exactly what she said.
So he talked about it with her?
Wade: Okay, well, I’ll see you tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear how everything at the ranch is going. Love you!
I end the call, forgetting to say I love him back.
I have the urge to convince Daddy that all is well. If he’s visiting tomorrow, everything needs to be in top shape. The ranch has to be clean and presentable. Although I’ve avoided it for a while, I realize it’s time to hire a ranch hand.
I call the ranch services and put in my request. They promise to send someone over first thing tomorrow.
The ranch will be in excellent hands, but what about me? Do I look put-together enough to convince Daddy everything is fine? I can’t be crying and teary‑eyed. I look down at my nails and see they look neglected. I have to take care of that, but it’s too late to visit the salon in Del Sol Valley. There has to be a place I can go here in town.
I rush over to Finesse and hop on her back.
We head to New Appaloosa’s shopping district. I’ve ridden through it, but never actually looked around to see what’s there. To my surprise, there’s a hair and nail salon in town.
I don’t stop at just a manicure. After my nails have been filed, filled, and painted to perfection, I also request a pedicure. I feel the strain of the last few hours melt away as my feet soak in a lavender‑scented bath.
My nails are much more extreme than anything I’ve tried before, but I’m not the same person I was this morning. I admire them quickly before going outside to find Finesse.
Back at the ranch, I take Finesse to her stall and prepare to tuck her in for the night. Udom crosses my mind from time to time, which isn’t surprising. The difference is that this time I don’t try to push the thoughts away. He was my first woohoo. No one forgets their first. I’m sure he’ll be on my mind for a long time, a permanent memory I’ll never erase. Maybe one day it’ll be a story I can laugh about with my friends, but right now I just have to accept it and move on.
(Generation 5 Chapter Summaries)
